My Fucking Birthday : Older, Wiser & Closer to Death
with Mike Young, Rachelle Toarmino, Sebastian Castillo, Oscar d'Artois & Caroline Rayner
Hi everyone!
Hope you’re having a pleasant day.
This time next week, the new books will be out and we’ll be on tour! First stops: Philadelphia, Baltimore & New York! Come hang out :)
Today we’re releasing the second episode in our new podcast series:
This one stars:
Mike Young, lead singer of the songwriting project: Clementine Was Right. Their new album, Tell Yourself You’re Going Home was just released this month!
Rachelle Toarmino, author of That Ex (Big Lucks, 2020), founder of Peach Mag and the independent poetry school, Beauty School.
Caroline Rayner, author of The Moan Wilds (Shabby Doll House, 2023).
, author of The Island (Shabby Doll House, 2024).& our host for this episode is Sebastian Castillo, author of SALMON (Shabby Doll House, 2023).
Episode two is available now, wherever you get your podcasts.
Or even right here!
Here’s an excerpt:
Rachelle: I definitely didn't have like the best time as, like a 19 and 20 year old. That was a time in college when I was really trying to like smoking weed, but it was just making me so painfully shy and paranoid and when I think back about how I was always feeling about myself. It was just always bad, you know? But everyone around me was smoking like five times a day. So it was just the thing that I was trying to like. I feel sorry for myself for having felt that bad and doing things I didn't actually like.
Sebastian: It's funny that you mentioned weed specifically because I had an identical thing around that age where all of my friends were smoking weed. I was like, you know what? I'll smoke weed. It's like, wow, that made me feel terrible. Next time, it'll definitely be good, though. Then I just did that like 40 times. And then I realized I actually don't enjoy this. Like, it's not for me.
Mike Young: Yeah, I had this thing when I was a sophomore in high school, and I don't know if you guys have this where you can remember something you did but have no recollection of, like the logic that led you to do that thing. It's like you're truly watching yourself in the past do this thing. There was this group of dudes who were all nerds and who, they seem to be the ones I wanted to be friends with. Of all the people available to me, um, where I grew up in, in Oroville, California, which is a very small rural town and I mean nerds in the sense of like, uh, online RPGs and quoting Monty Python and whatnot. Right. And I remember, that I, I mean as I start to say it, it makes no sense to me. But, you know teenage boy nerds drank a lot of soda. And I remember deciding that I was gonna, like, introduce myself to this group or get into this group, befriend this group by, like, going on this anti-soda crusade and being really into drinking water and like trying to introduce them to the benefits of drinking water. And I have no idea why I thought that. I do remember I didn't actually feel that passionate about it. I had no idea why I thought it would work, quote unquote. I definitely didn't think it would work. I have no idea why I did that. And I look back, definitely cringey. Definitely super embarrassing. But I almost look back in awe that a person that feels completely separate from me would like, do something so insane. And I just am like, who? Who was that person? I don't know, but it's like I have no relationship to the feeling at all, so I don't even feel embarrassed about it.
Oscar: Mhm. Yeah. Mhm. I think I was quite, I had about a two second slam poetry career when I was 18. And I remember that I thought the way that I would sort of sidle my way into the college’s scene was that I, um. This is, I, I don't know, I was sort of like seeing the guy who was running the slam stuff at the same time. And I got down and I read, like, um, one poem that was just like, not language was just like [a horrible noise]. And then another one that was basically just insulting everyone there. And I thought that would somehow, like, really get me into this, you know, they'd be like, oh, give this guy respect, you know, because… I don't know. So that was, I don't know, something about antagonism, I guess, and being that age. I try not to be so, uh, so much of a pain in the ass now, I guess, because it never works. I don't know why. There's absolutely no logic to that. It's like I want to be next to you, but also, like, don't touch me.
Sebastian: Yeah. You know, what's funny is what you're both talking about makes me think about how the further away you get from an event, and especially when you're really young, the more it doesn't really feel like something that happened to you. Like you're just… your memory is like this movie of this former person that you were. And I sometimes feel that way when I accidentally come across, like, even if it's just an email I wrote 12 years ago. And you know, I say something that I would never say now or, use a phrase that I would never use now. I sort of feel like, wow, who is this person, you know?
What else?
Oh yeah, I interviewed Stacey Teague about her new book, Plastic & small press publishing in New Zealand for Peach Mag.
Kristen did her first Log Off event on Tuesday at Just Buffalo Literary Center! She led a workshop with a group of teen writers!
Caroline is reading at Unnameable Books in Turner Falls, MA on Friday!
To everyone who pre-ordered copies of Log Off & The Island, your books are almost ready to go! They’ll ship June 4th!!
I think that’s everything… for now!
Okay, hope you enjoy the podcast! Thank you for listening.
Have a great week and maybe see you soon?
<3 Lucy